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It never snowed last December, but it was always there on the horizon. Like a bad dream on the periphery of my vision, a relentless reminder that I don't ever have control over things the way I think I do. The way I want to. Recently, I realized that I feel everything a bit too sharply. The cold. The pain. The nothingness.

It's heart wrenching. It's stomach twisting.

The minute you were gone, the air in my lungs left too. It's amazing how long you can live without breathing. It's much longer than anyone tends to claim. Truthfully, it's not even the thing I miss anymore. I only miss you. I miss the feelings. I miss anything that isn't the slow crack and settle of this old building. Or the familiar beating of my heart. The sun rising and falling from the sky each and every day.

I don't remember what it's like to not wake up to a pattern, but I do remember that it was so much better than this.

I used to never know what to expect. Now I have no expectations at all. It didn't take me long to figure out which option was better. If I could bring you back – bring it all back – I would, if only for a minute.

For even a second to remember what it felt like to be alive.
I'm out of practice. So here's something short and frivolous.
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:iconakira-ninja:
Akira-Ninja Featured By Owner Jan 18, 2012  Student Traditional Artist
I have loved your work for ages, even "out of practice", you are brilliant.
This one strikes even more of a chord with me, having just had my love of two years walk away from me.
Moved me to tears.
Keep up the beautiful work.
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:iconpaperheartsyndrome:
paperheartsyndrome Featured By Owner Jan 23, 2012   Writer
thank you so much. this comment...make my night. you're so very lovely.

(and things get better. i think eventually, when something like that happens. be strong and good luck <3)
Reply
:iconflowersanddreams:
flowersanddreams Featured By Owner Jan 12, 2012
beautiful. I can relate to this.
Reply
:iconflowersanddreams:
flowersanddreams Featured By Owner Jan 12, 2012
beautiful. I can relate to this.
Reply
:iconpaperheartsyndrome:
paperheartsyndrome Featured By Owner Jan 23, 2012   Writer
thank you!
Reply
:iconvalynaporia:
ValynAporia Featured By Owner Jan 12, 2012
The first paragraph in particular really caught me.
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:iconpaperheartsyndrome:
paperheartsyndrome Featured By Owner Jan 23, 2012   Writer
thank you.
Reply
:iconedge-of-psychosis:
edge-of-psychosis Featured By Owner Jan 10, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
this is absolutely perfect. you're amazing<3
Reply
:iconpaperheartsyndrome:
paperheartsyndrome Featured By Owner Jan 23, 2012   Writer
thank you so much <3
Reply
:iconrachel-rhapsody:
rachel-rhapsody Featured By Owner Jan 9, 2012
my lord. you amaze me sometimes, girl, you really do.
Reply
:iconpaperheartsyndrome:
paperheartsyndrome Featured By Owner Jan 23, 2012   Writer
what a ridiculous girl. buuut you're pretty amazing yourself so i'll take the compliment. thank you!
Reply
:iconxlionheartx:
XlionheartX Featured By Owner Jan 8, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
And there you have it ladies and gentleman, she does it again.
Still making magic. ^^
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:iconpaperheartsyndrome:
paperheartsyndrome Featured By Owner Jan 23, 2012   Writer
FAR TOO KIND. thank you (:
Reply
:iconravenwolfe0:
Ravenwolfe0 Featured By Owner Jan 8, 2012
:heart:
Reply
:iconpaperheartsyndrome:
paperheartsyndrome Featured By Owner Jan 23, 2012   Writer
<3<3<3
Reply
:icontwilson359:
twilson359 Featured By Owner Jan 8, 2012
To be out of practice, you're a genius
Reply
:iconpaperheartsyndrome:
paperheartsyndrome Featured By Owner Jan 23, 2012   Writer
not at all! but thank you!
Reply
:iconwslafleur:
WSLaFleur Featured By Owner Jan 8, 2012  Student Digital Artist
short and frivolous, i once described my mother this way.

the poetry is breathtaking, PHS.
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:iconpaperheartsyndrome:
paperheartsyndrome Featured By Owner Jan 23, 2012   Writer
it's an apt description for a lot of things. like me!

thank you, westly!
Reply
:iconlosingmyfaith:
losingmyfaith Featured By Owner Jan 7, 2012  Student Writer
:heart:
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:iconpaperheartsyndrome:
paperheartsyndrome Featured By Owner Jan 23, 2012   Writer
<3!
Reply
:iconlosingmyfaith:
losingmyfaith Featured By Owner Jan 25, 2012  Student Writer
[imissyou. <3]
Reply
:iconpaperheartsyndrome:
paperheartsyndrome Featured By Owner Jan 25, 2012   Writer
Miss you too. We should get together one of these days.
Reply
:iconlosingmyfaith:
losingmyfaith Featured By Owner Jan 25, 2012  Student Writer
I agree! That would be amazing. :heart:
Reply
:iconpaperheartsyndrome:
paperheartsyndrome Featured By Owner Jan 26, 2012   Writer
let me know when you're free sometime. i think you have my number if not let me know and i'll message it to you!
Reply
:iconlosingmyfaith:
losingmyfaith Featured By Owner Jan 27, 2012  Student Writer
I believe I do! I definitely will. (:
Reply
:iconimpracticaldreamer25:
impracticaldreamer25 Featured By Owner Jan 7, 2012
I wrote pieces similar to this before. If i've learned anything, you've got to learn to feel alive on your own.
Reply
:iconpaperheartsyndrome:
paperheartsyndrome Featured By Owner Jan 7, 2012   Writer
Oh, I definitely agree. I figured that one out too...the hard way of course.
But I do plenty of living all on my own these days (:

Don't worry this isn't anything that I actually feel right now, just old feeling and fiction. (:
Reply
:iconimpracticaldreamer25:
impracticaldreamer25 Featured By Owner Jan 8, 2012
Good! I know those feelings all too well, sometimes we have to take the hard path to figure things out! :)
Reply
:iconmisspelledink:
misspelledink Featured By Owner Jan 7, 2012  Professional General Artist
This resonates with me more so than ever before.
This last year, I lost my grandfather, and I got out of an almost 2 year relationship.
it's been one of the hardest things I ever had to do.

to think you build up such a wall, and strength, and independence when you swear you'll never let anyone in.
And then you do, you bring down your guard, but down your weapon.
You think it's forever....god, you(I) was silly to think forever.
And just as swift and quick as it came, it left just as fast.
And you are left wondering what you did wrong, and sleep with regret in your bed,
and the sadness follows you with every step you take.
It's like a disease you have to learn to deal, or rather cope with.
One day you feel like you are fine without them, and the next, they are the addiction you suddenly find yourself withdrawing from.

It's in these cold, lonely days, of missing, and wanting, you begin to feel so loathsome, and pitiful, that it's hard to find the light at the end of the tunnel.
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:iconpaperheartsyndrome:
paperheartsyndrome Featured By Owner Jan 23, 2012   Writer
your last year sounds almost exactly the same as mine. it is pretty much exactly the same.

annnd i think everything you said sounds astoundingly right on target.
Reply
:iconmisspelledink:
misspelledink Featured By Owner Jan 23, 2012  Professional General Artist
I am saddened that you had to go through it also, but am thankful I am not alone.
:heart: :hug:
Reply
:iconpaperheartsyndrome:
paperheartsyndrome Featured By Owner Jan 30, 2012   Writer
Likewise, I know it's been undeniably rough for me. Hope you're doing well <3
Reply
:iconmisspelledink:
misspelledink Featured By Owner Feb 6, 2012  Professional General Artist
Same to you darling.
Reply
:iconohsparrowsong:
ohsparrowsong Featured By Owner Jan 7, 2012
stephhhhh.
this is just beautiful. you are far too good and don't you think you aren't for a single second.
i miss you lots and we definitely need to live closer together. also, you me and collab one day. it would blow everyone away with it's awesomeness :)
Reply
:iconpaperheartsyndrome:
paperheartsyndrome Featured By Owner Jan 23, 2012   Writer
i am behind in my replies as per the usual D:
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:iconohsparrowsong:
ohsparrowsong Featured By Owner Jan 23, 2012
you are so behind D:
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:iconpaperheartsyndrome:
paperheartsyndrome Featured By Owner Jan 23, 2012   Writer
but now i'm caught up!!
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:iconteardownthefence:
teardownthefence Featured By Owner Jan 7, 2012
Short, but still beautiful.
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:iconpaperheartsyndrome:
paperheartsyndrome Featured By Owner Jan 23, 2012   Writer
thank you!
Reply
:iconderangedcoffee:
DerangedCoffee Featured By Owner Jan 7, 2012
I love everything about your writing, and I'm always excited when I see something new from you in my inbox. <3

This was beautiful. Please don't stop writing. =3
Reply
:iconpaperheartsyndrome:
paperheartsyndrome Featured By Owner Jan 23, 2012   Writer
thank you. you're too sweet! <3
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:iconredfeathereagle:
RedFeatherEagle Featured By Owner Jan 7, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Seconded.
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:iconxblindalliancex:
xblindalliancex Featured By Owner Jan 8, 2012
Thirded, haha.
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:iconangryangel57:
angryangel57 Featured By Owner Jan 7, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
<3<3<3<3<3
Reply
:iconpaperheartsyndrome:
paperheartsyndrome Featured By Owner Jan 7, 2012   Writer
thank you <3!
Reply
:iconangryangel57:
angryangel57 Featured By Owner Jan 7, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
I adore your work,I really do,and it's just so great!Keep writing no matter what <3
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