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The sun never sets over the water, but you still take me there whenever dusk comes to meet the horizon. We sit out on the rocks with me tucked tight against your chest, while you count stars like other people count blessings, but we're only half lucky with all these city lights ruining your chances. I know you're tired, love, but I'm terrified. I'm running out of ways to stop myself from telling you I miss you because twenty four hours isn't a long time to be separated and I'm really just more afraid of what you're doing when I'm not there -- and of what you're thinking when I am. I've been burnt enough times before to learn that loving with only half your heart will save you from the fire, but I know that's not what I'm doing here. I don't want you to be a mistake worth making. I want this to be real this time.

I keep playing out all the ways you could hurt me in my head, not because I think you will, but because it'll sting less if it actually happens. I've learned to prepare myself and I'm overthinking. I'm moving too fast. You're moving too fast. We're moving.

I don't remember ever feeling like this before -- on the verge of losing everything and realizing there's nothing to do to fix it. I remember the situation, but not the same sort of heartache. I remember acting out the hurt, but not feeling it. I didn't think I'd lose you before I got a chance to love you. It's the not knowing which stings the worst.

There's nothing that sounds quite like silence. The way the whole apartment sits still when you're not here. I don't know how to explain the space between your syllables or the way you smile just by lifting up the corners of your mouth. Everything's effortless for you, but then this happened and I'm not sure I can save you. I'd forgotten what it felt like to want someone's happiness at the risk of losing your own. I'd forgotten what it felt like, because I never actually felt it before. It's not easy -- loving you -- but I still want it more than I want the sun to keep rising and setting. I couldn't care less if the world stopped spinning if I still got to fall asleep at your side. I'd live in darkness to see you smile again. I don't think you get it yet. I'm afraid you never will.

It's taken me awhile to realize that years ago, I wrote a story about you. That was long before I knew the sound of your voice or the way your hands feel down my spine. But all the details fit effortlessly when I'm looking into your eyes and you ask me what I'm thinking, I realize I'm still lying. Because I tell you I'm thinking of going home. Or that I'm tired when really all I'm ever thinking of is falling asleep and waking up next to you.
life's been a whirlwind lately.
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:iconsammur-amat:
Sammur-amat Featured By Owner Aug 13, 2012   General Artist
I love the honest emotions the flow through this piece, fantastic job! :clap:
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:iconpaperheartsyndrome:
paperheartsyndrome Featured By Owner Sep 12, 2012   Writer
thank you!
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:iconsammur-amat:
Sammur-amat Featured By Owner Sep 18, 2012   General Artist
Most welcome, dear one:heart:
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:iconeternal-skye:
Eternal-Skye Featured By Owner Jun 25, 2012  Hobbyist Interface Designer
Exactly. I so love you lol You should write books or something because i could read your stuff for days n days. You really are amazing :D :heart:
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:iconlosingmyfaith:
losingmyfaith Featured By Owner Jun 6, 2012  Student Writer
:heart:
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:iconpaperheartsyndrome:
paperheartsyndrome Featured By Owner Jun 16, 2012   Writer
<3<3
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:iconangryangel57:
angryangel57 Featured By Owner Apr 13, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
...but I still want it more than I want the sun to keep rising and setting. I couldn't care less if the world stopped spinning if I still got to fall asleep at your side...

it describes my feelings so perfectly...when I'm happy I just don't care about anything else....I understand.
I don't have enough words to explain how I feel when I read your work <3

Never stop writing!
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:iconlostatseaforever:
LostAtSeaForever Featured By Owner Apr 8, 2012  Hobbyist Photographer
You have no idea how much I completly love this piece. It is a true work of art
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:iconjjinxx:
JJinxx Featured By Owner Apr 7, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
this is listed under prose but when i read it I got the feeling that this could be a truly beautiful spoken word poem. my favorite part is "I don't know how to explain the space between your syllables or the way you smile just by lifting up the corners of your mouth." ... so many complementary sounds.
well done this is extraordinary
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:iconwiaan:
Wiaan Featured By Owner Apr 7, 2012
I always love your work.
Reply
:iconruhee2212:
ruhee2212 Featured By Owner Apr 6, 2012  Student General Artist
you are so beautiful :heart:

these words,
' I don't want you to be a mistake worth making. I want this to be real this time. ' they fit my life so much, you can say so comfortingly about how much it hurts..

life's always a whirlwind i guess, when we are in love
:tighthug:
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:iconsycamoresea:
SycamoreSea Featured By Owner Apr 6, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Sometimes when I love a piece like this, I go through and pick out the lines I love and write a really long comment about just why I love it. And I thought maybe I could do that with this one, except that every single line made my heart ache just a little bit more, made me want to turn around and tell someone, This is exactly what I am feeling, what I go through (except that I can't, but that doesn't matter) - only you said it much more beautifully, perfectly, than I could. Thank you for writing it. I may just go shake in a corner for a while and then come back and read it again. c:
Reply
:iconyesterdayswake:
YesterdaysWake Featured By Owner Apr 6, 2012  Hobbyist Photographer
I don't even know what to say. Or maybe I do, considering I'm still talking. This was like reading a part of my diary - except it had the honesty of a flower before its life was taken and it fell from its beauty. I honestly have no words to describe what this made me feel because it was so easy to lose myself in this.

This was gorgeous. And so accessible. I applaud you. Truly, I do.
Reply
:iconpanicsshadow:
PanicsShadow Featured By Owner Apr 6, 2012
wow. the 2nd and 3rd paragraph really sums up what i felt about my ex....you project emotions sooo well:)
Reply
:iconohsparrowsong:
ohsparrowsong Featured By Owner Apr 6, 2012
Steph I have given up trying to comb through your words and pick out the prettiest words because a) I do all this on my phone because my laptop blew up, and b) ALL YOUR WORDS ARE SO DAMNED LOVELY WOMAN!
seriously. You suck.
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:iconpaperheartsyndrome:
paperheartsyndrome Featured By Owner Apr 6, 2012   Writer
haha, you are silly and wonderful.

i have some weirdly good inspiration lately (:
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:iconohsparrowsong:
ohsparrowsong Featured By Owner Apr 6, 2012
Would that happened to be a boy?
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:iconpaperheartsyndrome:
paperheartsyndrome Featured By Owner Apr 7, 2012   Writer
UH, yes. (:
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:iconohsparrowsong:
ohsparrowsong Featured By Owner Apr 8, 2012
Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww
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:iconohsparrowsong:
ohsparrowsong Featured By Owner Apr 6, 2012
Also. Did we ever complete and post that collaboration? I have a feeling it's still sitting in our notes waiting to explode the whole world with awesome
Reply
:iconpaperheartsyndrome:
paperheartsyndrome Featured By Owner Apr 7, 2012   Writer
yeah, it's still in our notes!
Reply
:iconohsparrowsong:
ohsparrowsong Featured By Owner Apr 8, 2012
We should get on that.
Reply
:iconprojectilewordvomit:
projectilewordvomit Featured By Owner Apr 6, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
"I know you're tired, love, but I'm terrified. I'm running out of ways to stop myself from telling you I miss you because twenty four hours isn't a long time to be separated and I'm really just more afraid of what you're doing when I'm not there -- and of what you're thinking. I've been burnt enough times before to learn that loving with only half your heart will save you from the fire, but I know that's not what I'm doing here. I don't want you to be a mistake worth making."

This. I remember so clearly feeling like this. All.the.time.

Your writing stings my heart in a beautiful and familiar way.
Reply
:iconpaperheartsyndrome:
paperheartsyndrome Featured By Owner Apr 6, 2012   Writer
thank you <3
Reply
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