ten.
i never really knew your name
i think that was the problem
[i think i could have loved you.
even though we both know I don't really believe that.]
_
nine.
you collect scars on your wrists
like i collect records
[the fact is they're both played out.]
and you're not writing anything
that will help you to remember
not to hate yourself so damn much
[i wish i could have saved you.]
_
eight.
if you were a color, you'd be grey
[i'm sick of all these shades of inbetweens.]
_
seven.
i used to know you better than i know myself
and now i'm forgetting the color of your hair
and the sound of your whispered-secret-voice
and you don't even recognize
the crash that signals me falling.
[i can't lean on something that's not there.]
_
six.
i miss the you
you were
before you became nothing but
vodka wrapped regrets
and smoke that tastes more stale with every dying breath
[you lived too much. too fast.]
and now you're dying on the inside
and you promise you'll fix other people's problems
with psychoanalytical phrases and inkblots
[but when are you going to fix yourself?]
_
five.
you've made "melodramatic" more than a dictionary term
and for every story you spill from slack lips
that can't string together words to make something
worth a meaning, i'm covering my ears
[i wish i couldn't hear.
or that i was broke enough to not buy into your lalalalies.]
_
four.
i'm sorry for being so sorry
it seems like lately those are the only words i have for you
[and i always have too many things to say.
which is making this so much worse.]
i should know you better by now
so then i wouldn't be so afraid of open-back-doors-invites
and basement-stair-promises
i'm still afraid of what you'll think
when you meet the real me
[i'm a mess. but i promise, i'm not a liar.]
_
three.
they usually reserve "best"
for something good
but you're all i have
and even though i say i don't want to grow up
you're wearing alcohol-soaked-calls and school-girl-drama thinthinthinner
you're ruining my ringtone and drowning my good intentions
[and the worst part is i still care way too much
and i never did learn to fly.]
_
two.
i'm sorry that i met you
i wish i could take it back
too bad time's nonrefundable
[if i could sell it back, i'd buy you a heart
and your own dreams so you could stop stealing mine.]
_
one.
you're technicolor dreams
when i can only see black and white
you're foreign phrases and sparklesoaked ideologies
and sometimes, you're the only person
i still believe
[and someday, you'll go where i can't follow
and all i'll have left is fistfuls of untruths
and too many regrets to hold in breaking fingers
but i swear to god, i'll miss you.]
_
zero.
i'm saving all the good words for you
[my heartbeat's the only song i can hear
but it plays for you.]
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Author's Comments
i'm losing my mind and my patience
_____ say eleven things you want to say to eleven different people. don't say who they pertain to. feel free to comment, but don't confirm or answer anything. never discuss it again. [perhaps, you've seen a few of these. they've been going around these days.] _____ i don't usually do things like this (i don't know why) but i liked how it felt to to get the words i'll never have the chance/nerve to say out of my head. I'll probably scrap this eventually. but in the meantime, here are some words i'll never, ever say out loud. [writing = free therapy] _____ andignoreme. i rarely make sense. |
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The Deviousness Award is an accolade which is traditionally handed out on the 1st of every month to one trully outstanding deviant. `Cyantre is one of the most helpful deviants within our community. With a positive attitude and a resourceful mind, you can always find him providing support and encouragement to those in need. Always looking for ways in which he can get more involved in our community, John's positive presence is to be aspired to. A well respected poet, John is a must-have on your deviantWATCH to make sure that you don't miss out on your dose of community inspiration. It's with great pleasure that the Deviousness Award for November 2009 goes to... Read More
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Comments
--
an antique arms and armor expert
--
I believe.
--
" ...he's more myself than I am. Whatever our souls are made of, his and mine are the same, and Linton's is as different as a moonbeam from lightning, or frost from fire."
--
*TheWritersMeow
A birthday is just a day, you say.
But it's a special day.
It's the day you first changed the world.
<3
--
wishes bounce me weightless.
the infa-red scope of pointlessness.
CANNOT scrap this. This is almost just too TOO beautiful.
wait - what happened to eleven?
[and i found it somewhat freeing to write this. the words came a lot easier with less worries of making it polished and pretty. it was a nice change]
and i'd be honored if you used it. anytime.
and thanks, dear
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