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If I had to give a name to what I'm feeling I would just call it disappearing. Because it's exactly like the way that you can know everything about someone one day and nothing the next. It's the quick death love has that leaves you wanting more – or wanting it back in the best and worst of ways.

If I had to explain I would say this feeling is something like standing outside of your door at four in the morning, even though I know I shouldn't be here, wearing the same wrinkled clothes I had on the day before, wanting nothing more than to beg to come home, but knowing better, because following the motions isn't really the best follow through.

I won't admit how much I miss you – I can't, but I can tell you this.

The thing about disappearing is that it doesn't stop me from wanting to be completely impossible to forget. And maybe that's a bit of an anomaly, but I've never made much sense to begin with anyway.

And sure, we're all different in the same ways, but I want to be different in a way that makes you remember me long after all those other girls have faded from the indents of your skin. I want you to hold on to me like you would your breath if you were drowning, since I want to be the sort of thing that saves. In fact, I want you to keep me in your mind all the time, since the one thing I'll never lose is the memory of your fingerprints pressed into mine, your lips hot against my frame, the way your voice would catch in your throat when you said my name as if you were afraid of letting it go – afraid of letting me go.

Because even after you're completely gone, those are the pieces of you that will always remain, because at some point you became an irreversible part of me.

The thing about saying this, however, is that it makes you impossible to forget. It doesn't make the thunder in my veins any less loud. It doesn't make any of this better. It doesn't mean I'm gone – I'm still here, waiting to disappear.
this is something i wrote a bit ago. i'm still working on making it better. as usual (:
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:iconcoldblackraven:
ColdBlackRaven Featured By Owner Jan 9, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
This.... The reality of it.. speechless. You've put down the exact feelings in here and even though I can't completely realte to it but your words make me go through the feelings.
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:iconpaperheartsyndrome:
paperheartsyndrome Featured By Owner Feb 21, 2013   Writer
Thank you! This comment makes me feel super happy and honored to receive such a compliment! Yay!
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:iconakira-ninja:
Akira-Ninja Featured By Owner Feb 24, 2012  Student Traditional Artist
Once again beautiful, and utterly relatable.
Keep up the wonderful work <3
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:iconpaperheartsyndrome:
paperheartsyndrome Featured By Owner Mar 3, 2012   Writer
thank you so much.

i'll do my best!
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:iconsunshinegypsy:
sunshinegypsy Featured By Owner Feb 21, 2012  Professional Writer
This is so beautiful. We're never done saying these things.
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:iconpaperheartsyndrome:
paperheartsyndrome Featured By Owner Feb 22, 2012   Writer
my title is a lie!

thank you <3
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:iconsunshinegypsy:
sunshinegypsy Featured By Owner Feb 22, 2012  Professional Writer
:D That's the joy of titles. You can lie all you want.
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:iconblueisme:
blueisme Featured By Owner Feb 21, 2012
oh wow that is amazing!
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:iconpaperheartsyndrome:
paperheartsyndrome Featured By Owner Feb 22, 2012   Writer
thank you!
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:iconlosingmyfaith:
losingmyfaith Featured By Owner Feb 21, 2012  Student Writer
I honestly cannot tell you how much I love this piece. It is...brilliant. And so relevant to my life, it's not even funny. Wonderful job. :heart:
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:iconpaperheartsyndrome:
paperheartsyndrome Featured By Owner Feb 22, 2012   Writer
Thank you, again!! Relevant is good since then we all get some company for a bit.
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:iconlosingmyfaith:
losingmyfaith Featured By Owner Feb 22, 2012  Student Writer
You're most welcome, dear! And that's completely true.
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:iconwiaan:
Wiaan Featured By Owner Feb 21, 2012
Could I say that I love this?
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:iconpaperheartsyndrome:
paperheartsyndrome Featured By Owner Feb 22, 2012   Writer
you can and if you do, I'll be incredibly happy!
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:iconwiaan:
Wiaan Featured By Owner Feb 22, 2012
I do love it and I even had some friends to go and read it. They also love it.
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:iconpaperheartsyndrome:
paperheartsyndrome Featured By Owner Feb 22, 2012   Writer
Yay! That makes me even more happy <3!
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:iconwiaan:
Wiaan Featured By Owner Feb 22, 2012
Your work is the quality I appreciate. Never stop what you do. Please.
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:iconpaperheartsyndrome:
paperheartsyndrome Featured By Owner Mar 3, 2012   Writer
Thank you so much <3
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:iconminnimay:
Minnimay Featured By Owner Feb 21, 2012
Great!
I just don't know how you get those words out of my head ;) ;)
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:iconpaperheartsyndrome:
paperheartsyndrome Featured By Owner Feb 22, 2012   Writer
magic!
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:iconsugarc00kie:
sugarc00kie Featured By Owner Feb 20, 2012  Student Photographer
this is amazing. you always manage to put words to how i'm feeling :)
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:iconpaperheartsyndrome:
paperheartsyndrome Featured By Owner Feb 22, 2012   Writer
glad to help! thank you<3
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:iconlittleuniverse:
littleuniverse Featured By Owner Feb 20, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
I want to collaborate with you. You are amazing.
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:iconpaperheartsyndrome:
paperheartsyndrome Featured By Owner Feb 22, 2012   Writer
we can!!! thank you <3
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:iconohsparrowsong:
ohsparrowsong Featured By Owner Feb 20, 2012
asdfghjk.
steph.
stop being so amazing.
:heart:
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:iconpaperheartsyndrome:
paperheartsyndrome Featured By Owner Feb 22, 2012   Writer
that'll be easy!
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:iconhowcaniimprove:
HowCanIimprove Featured By Owner Feb 20, 2012  Student General Artist
Just so you know, you are my the favorite person on my watch list, have been for years, basically since you started posting your writing.
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:iconpaperheartsyndrome:
paperheartsyndrome Featured By Owner Feb 22, 2012   Writer
ahhhh, this is the sweetest thing ever. that means -- I can't even explain it. It just means so much to me. Thank you thank you <3 <3!!
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:iconhowcaniimprove:
HowCanIimprove Featured By Owner Feb 25, 2012  Student General Artist
You're most welcome!! :D
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:iconmyhorsemyheart:
MyHorseMyHeart Featured By Owner Feb 20, 2012
This is just spectacular...Great job :)
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:iconpaperheartsyndrome:
paperheartsyndrome Featured By Owner Feb 22, 2012   Writer
thanks so much! <3
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:iconmyhorsemyheart:
MyHorseMyHeart Featured By Owner Feb 24, 2012
sure :)
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:iconsunchip8:
sunchip8 Featured By Owner Feb 20, 2012  Hobbyist Photographer
lovely just lovely<3
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:iconpaperheartsyndrome:
paperheartsyndrome Featured By Owner Feb 22, 2012   Writer
thank you!
Reply
:iconredfeathereagle:
RedFeatherEagle Featured By Owner Feb 20, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
You keep amazing me with your words...
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:iconpaperheartsyndrome:
paperheartsyndrome Featured By Owner Feb 20, 2012   Writer
I can only hope that continues. <3 thank you
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:iconredfeathereagle:
RedFeatherEagle Featured By Owner Feb 20, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
For some reason, I'm sure it will.
Keep writing. <3
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