[x]

i'm not your symphony but i'm orchestrated anywaysit's not easy to explain --

but i'm a rushed symphony of heartbeats, quick breaths and hiccups. i'm not made of skin and bones, but a complicated sentence structure and thoughts that i spew out before i even finish them.

i'm messy in all the wrong ways.

and i'm not right in any of the ways that matter. but still you're always here, picking me up when i fall, kissing me goodnight, making a life with me one day at a time. and you haven't gone yet but i'm always moving so how long can you stay. how long can i expect it. how long is too long when you're living and loving and breathing and hell, if i can't stay still i'll mess this up for sure.

we're all made of stories.We're all either made of cells or stories, but in your case, it's both. You're somehow bigger than what one body can contain. And I know that all of this – all these words and breaths and spaces – aren't enough to explain you. You're better than any fiction will ever be.

I remember sitting in the passenger seat of your car, watching the familiar city streets flick by, fast like a picture book. It felt like there was something I was missing between the pages and second story houses, but I couldn't place it. I had my arms wrapped tight around my middle, holding my insides in since I was afraid with every passing moment I would let th

I'll never tell you -- you already know.I remember in the beginning
there was just you and me
and heartbeats--

small intervals where the air would leap from my chest,
saying you leave me breathless will always be an understatement.

I wanted to kiss you before
I even knew you or knew the real you
but your untied purple chucks
had me even before your hello--

months later I realized that meant to be's aren't always
as silly as they used to be.

I've fallen in love with how
the palms of our hands match
the planes of our souls and
every time I loop my fingers
between yours we fall deeper--

If there was ever a time I should explain myself,
it's be right now, but I thin

maybe you never belonged to meI can still feel the weight of your lips on the curve of my collarbone. Sometimes, it feels paralyzing, crushing, absolute. Sometimes, it feels like home. Like everything.

I once heard that when you can't fall asleep it means you're awake in someone else's dream. I wonder which one of us was dreaming that night, because everything was too quiet, too easy, too perfect. You used to fall asleep next to me, your body curled against mine. It's a warmth that's not easy to forget. A hidden smile tucked into pillows and sheets. It's easy to think these things will last forever when you're tangled up together. For me, the strings of my life will alwa

these feelings should be finiteI'm terrified and I know there's nothing unique about this, but I'm standing here completely out of touch with the rest of the world, realizing for the first time that we all feel things a little bit differently, which is why this doesn't hurt for you at all. I figure the only logical reason for how you could do this as if it means nothing was if it really did mean nothing at all for you. It's easier to hate you this way. It's easier to forget you without the burn of your kiss against my skin. It's easier to stay mad if I don't have to remember the way that it felt. Most of all, I can forget this as if it's a memory in someone else's lifetime

we don't sound like a whisper.The sun never sets over the water, but you still take me there whenever dusk comes to meet the horizon. We sit out on the rocks with me tucked tight against your chest, while you count stars like other people count blessings, but we're only half lucky with all these city lights ruining your chances. I know you're tired, love, but I'm terrified. I'm running out of ways to stop myself from telling you I miss you because twenty four hours isn't a long time to be separated and I'm really just more afraid of what you're doing when I'm not there -- and of what you're thinking when I am. I've been burnt enough times before to learn that loving with

i'd call it love, if it wasn't suffocating.every time it rains,
i think of you.

because that's all there is--
the wind,
the water
and a quick breath of air
before we all go under.

every time it rains,
i swear i'm drowning.

these are the last things i'll say before i'm goneIf I had to give a name to what I'm feeling I would just call it disappearing. Because it's exactly like the way that you can know everything about someone one day and nothing the next. It's the quick death love has that leaves you wanting more – or wanting it back in the best and worst of ways.

If I had to explain I would say this feeling is something like standing outside of your door at four in the morning, even though I know I shouldn't be here, wearing the same wrinkled clothes I had on the day before, wanting nothing more than to beg to come home, but knowing better, because following the motions isn't really the best follow throu

this isn't progress, because you're irreversible.You were never meant for me.

I knew it in the most obvious manner. It was in the way you had a subtle sort of comfort in your own skin – a quiet and humble confidence – while I struggled to make sense of the prints on my fingertips and the way one of my eyes crinkled in the corner more than the other when I smiled. You felt safe with yourself while I was always warring with my own reflection. Half the time, I didn't know who I was. A quarter of the time, I still don't. You would call this progress if you were here to see, but I just call it sad.

When you miss something for long enough, you start to forget the exact way that things

if i knew what this meant, i'd tell you.I'm positive that you're still missing the point.

Your house is just over the hill and I keep gasping for breath like this is the first time I've ever been alone with you and my skin hasn't memorized the loops and whirls that your fingerprints make against the indents of my hipbones. Sometimes, I act like I've never met you before because I'm afraid of losing the excitement of falling in love. I once heard that everyone is just looking for the next big thing – someone brighter and better than me. You've already started calling me "annie," because you got bored with my real name. I wonder if I should be scared. I wonder if I should be wo

i'm telling myself not to get my hopes up.It's been a long time since I felt like this.

It's all small kicks of my heartbeat
and subtle smiles when no one's looking.
I'm checking my phone messages
more times than any girl should,
but you're not letting me down.

You remind me of a time when things were easy
before I memorized what sadness felt like
and stopped feeling alive.

And for the first time, I don't feel broken
in a way that can't be fixed.
I don't feel like I was built in a way
that doesn't fit.

I hope it's worth it when I'm gone.I can't even pretend things are simple anymore.

It's raining again, and with every crash of thunder, I miss you more than I can bear. I know it's not worth saying, because really nothing much is anymore, but it doesn't make it any less true.

It's eleven ten on a Friday night, and I'm sitting in the middle of the grass, watching the downpour spill off the roof. My t-shirt is clinging to my ribcage, and my hair is sticking to my face. I can feel the water running down the ridges of my spine, the backs of my hands, clumping in my eyelashes, but still, I don't move. Sometimes, when I can't stand what the world is doing anymore, I allow myself a

if you're an ocean, then i'm drowning.You are a calculated mistake –
something that I've known is wrong from the very start. And I wake up next to you every morning lately, praying that your split lips don't sink me – even though I know it's too late.

You're already taking me under, because, baby –
you're heavy like hurricane. Like a thousand drops of rain pounding down on my shoulder blades. You're seeping into my skin and into my bloodstream. It's only a matter of time until you spread to my heart.

It's too late. I'm already drowning in you.

It's too late, but god, I cannot love you.

You're like the last boy I kissed –
which means I should already b

alpengloweverything hard-kept in the heart is falling onto paper. each word so well-fought to be kept within the chest becomes a snowflake from november skies, but the winds are unseasonably warm and a fire is kindled inside each bone in place of a bitter chill.

there are ten thousand things i can never tell you.

the way that wars are fought, i wage battles among my selves to keep the quiet. you will never hear my voice, too soft like the pillow beneath your head each time our bodies find each other, say how my breath becomes a porch swing when we touch and i sway.

i can never call you by any name, given at birth or given by heart. you will neve

these oceanic arteries are killing me. (collab)i'm drawn to the ocean in a way that's anything but beautiful. i don't want a welcome embrace, i just want it to consume me. 'cause the ocean is so heavy and right now i'm so fucking fragile.

so i'll stand waist deep with the water curling tightly around me, lulling me further from the shore with the safe sung whispers of the wind as i let the waves crash into me. so that with each ebb and flow, piece by piece, the ocean can wash me away from you.

i can see myself crumbling away like the cliffs that surround the peaceful waters, and i wonder if you're as fragile as i am right now. my breathing patterns have changed, as i don't want to be an

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not everything is beautifulso here's the thing:

you're not you
and i'm not me
and we're not us.

and all i know is that this
is heartbreak in the worse way
since right now
i know i can't have you
but ohdeargod please
i really do want you.

and maybe everything
is a circle so i'll get you
or will be okay since life goes onandonandon
or is about to completely destroy me
or is just...done with. complete. over.

but one thing i know
is that it is november
and i am so so sick
of saying goodbye
to things i love.

but it's true that
everything good
has an ending

and this is mine.

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[x]

there's nothing that feels quite like this.

by ~paperheartsyndrome, Nov 7, 2012, 7:15:39 AM
Literature / Prose / Fiction / General Fiction / Flash Fiction & Vignettes

Maybe the problem is that I don't know what a love story should sound like. I haven't figured out what order I should put the words in to make it read just right. I do, however, know what it feels like, but pushing around nouns and adjectives just to make it grow is the hardest thing I'll ever do. And it's true that I've tried it before and maybe I succeeded once, but since then I've learned the way real love washes through veins, and rumbles through the shifting and settling of bones until it changes you completely in a way that is absolutely unyielding. Perfect. Simple. It's not angry, or jealous, it doesn't hurt. It isn't like before. So now words don't come so easy, since I'm not sure which ones will cheapening the moments, the feelings, you.

And god, I could never do that to you, since the only thing I know with completely certainty is that you are the only thing that saves me. That moves me. That completes me. Without you, I'd be less than nothing. Alone. Forgotten. It's easy to think you love someone, but to make them feel needed, wanted, loved…is a completely different story. One that you've rewritten every day since I met you.

I want to tell you something that will change the course of the world forever. I want to tell you something big, like what created stars, made them grow and die before our eyes or how the ocean sounds to someone who's never seen it with their own eyes. I want to tell you that forever will never be long enough with you. I want to tell you that I was made to love you, but I'm getting the feeling that no amount of words will ever be enough for that. I want to tell you everything, but for now, I'll just sit here, with your hand in mine and watch in silence as love grows. It's easy. It's perfect. It's ours.

there's nothing that feels quite like this.by ~paperheartsyndrome

Literature / Prose / Fiction / General Fiction / Flash Fiction & Vignettes

in progress. always always.

my writing's not quite what it used to be, but i'm working on it.

~angryangel57 Mar 8, 2013 Student General Artist

please write some more,you are amazing

~Eternal-Skye Jan 6, 2013 Hobbyist Writer

I love this very much!

It seems so simple yet when I read it, it is always so strong, moving. I really love all of your work.

~paperheartsyndrome Feb 21, 2013 Writer

Thank you so much. This means the world to me.

~PanicsShadow Nov 23, 2012

this is absolutely so beautiful

~paperheartsyndrome Nov 25, 2012 Writer

thank you!

~PanicsShadow Nov 26, 2012

^.^ youre welcome

=ohsparrowsong Nov 7, 2012

_{you are so happy, aren't you steph.
this makes me super happy too.
i miss you
and i swear i will make wisconsin closer
to colorado just so i can meet you
and hug you to death

(oh, and in case i haven't told you enough
this is just stunning.
as always)}

~paperheartsyndrome Nov 9, 2012 Writer

SO HAPPY.

thank you!! i miss you as well <3

=ohsparrowsong Nov 9, 2012

_{you deserve it ALL.}

~AkaYuki2106 Nov 7, 2012

This is so beautiful <3

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there's nothing that feels quite like this.

there's nothing that feels quite like this.by ~paperheartsyndrome

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