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dear girl—

it’s like you don’t even know you anymore. and when people talk about you, it’s almost as if you have no idea who they’re speaking about or whether any of what they say is true. it’s to the point where you started avoiding mirrors or catching your own eye in the reflection of windows, because you don’t even recognize yourself anymore. maybe your hair’s a mess and your clothes don’t match, but at least you can keep pretending that you’re not uncomfortable in your own skin. you’ve become a stranger and it scares you since you’ve always been most afraid of the things you don’t know.

and you don’t know you.

___

dear girl—

i know you’re tired. you’re tired of being afraid and you’re tired of being alone and you’re just tired of being. it’s two thirty seven in the morning and you’re wondering if insomnia has a flavor or if everything really tastes this kind of bitter. you hate how it feels against your teeth and the back of your throat is burning. you just want to sleep, to forget this feeling, to forget breathing, or blinking, or being alive. instead, you’re lying awake, counting the raindrops on the roof. or maybe you’re just lying. but really you’re worried that you’re losing track. of everything. maybe you’ve been derailed and you don’t know where you’re going. maybe you’re on a collision course with regret. maybe you’re a car crash of tired syllables and overdone ideas.

but in any case, you’re a wreck.

___

dear girl—

it’s to the point where you don’t know what to do with yourself. so you do the laundry again even though it’s clean. you think about bleach and how they need to make some for your memories. since if you could you’d white out all the things you’ve been meaning to forget. and you’d forget that you’re a mess and that you deserve this and that it’s started to hurt more than you care to think about. then you’d make yourself someone new. someone you could stand. since right now all you are is a spin cycle of secrets who’s finding it harder to pretend to be okay. and all the sudden your heart is beating backwards and you’re so afraid of what will happen when it reaches zero.

since negatives can never be anything positive.
and you’re so sick of being a negative. of being less than nothing.

___

dear girl—

sometimes, you talk to yourself since you know that no one else will listen. sometimes, you write letters. and they all end up being addressed to you no matter what since you’re not sure who you’d send them to anyways.

maybe you’re living in your lies but you never were a good liar.
so maybe you’re not living at all.

___

dear girl—

please remember to love yourself.
since you deserve it. since you just have to. even when no one else will.
___

title: when you're a bad liar, living in your lies means not living at all.

___

so i decided i'd try out the whole writing letters thing since it's looked ridiculously fun.
i don't know if this is too good. buuuuut i tried.
also, i'm sorry it's lonnnng. i know.
but it's just something i felt like i needed to write.
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:iconstarshinexx:
starshinexx Featured By Owner Aug 1, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
you are amazingly good at it.

dear girl—

sometimes, you talk to yourself since you know that no one else will listen. sometimes, you write letters. and they all end up being addressed to you no matter what since you’re not sure who you’d send them to anyways.


this was the line that hit me the most. cause I do this, unfortunately (": I write myself letters of encouragements because no one else does, or think I even need them.

and the last part really pulled it all together <3

keep writing!
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:iconpaperheartsyndrome:
paperheartsyndrome Featured By Owner Sep 12, 2012   Writer
thank you so much!
Reply
:iconstarshinexx:
starshinexx Featured By Owner Sep 12, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
yuup!!
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:iconmulticolored:
multicolored Featured By Owner Apr 27, 2011  Student Digital Artist
quite beautiful writing. I quite enjoy your style, especially the bit about the washing machine which you brought back again with "since right now all you are is a spin cycle of secrets who’s finding it harder to pretend to be okay." I really relate. <3
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:iconshiveringrain:
ShiveringRain Featured By Owner Mar 31, 2011
Good job i really like this.
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:iconpaperheartsyndrome:
paperheartsyndrome Featured By Owner Apr 3, 2011   Writer
thank you!
Reply
:iconrunswithbooks:
RunsWithBooks Featured By Owner Jun 9, 2010
Thanks for keeping the reason why she was depressed vague. It helped me connect to it much easier.
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:iconpaperheartsyndrome:
paperheartsyndrome Featured By Owner Jul 31, 2010   Writer
no problem. thank you.
Reply
:iconmissxblondie:
missxblondie Featured By Owner Mar 15, 2010  Student Photographer
This is a great piece of work ! (:
Reply
:iconpaperheartsyndrome:
paperheartsyndrome Featured By Owner Mar 16, 2010   Writer
thank you. (:
Reply
:iconmissxblondie:
missxblondie Featured By Owner Mar 20, 2010  Student Photographer
You're welcome. I really enjoyed reading it.
Reply
:iconheroes-grave:
Heroes-Grave Featured By Owner Jan 19, 2010  Student Photographer
<3 beautiful.
Reply
:iconpaperheartsyndrome:
paperheartsyndrome Featured By Owner Jan 21, 2010   Writer
thank you. <3
Reply
:iconheroes-grave:
Heroes-Grave Featured By Owner Jan 23, 2010  Student Photographer
no problem (:
Reply
:icontheunbreakableecho:
TheUnbreakableEcho Featured By Owner Dec 16, 2009
:love:
i love it!
it's so beautiful! :heart:
Reply
:iconpaperheartsyndrome:
paperheartsyndrome Featured By Owner Dec 30, 2009   Writer
thank you so so much. :heart:
Reply
:icondadel:
Dadel Featured By Owner Dec 7, 2009
Thank you so much for sharing this with random, unknown people.
Reply
:iconpaperheartsyndrome:
paperheartsyndrome Featured By Owner Dec 11, 2009   Writer
awh, i'm happy to do so.
thank you for taking the time to read it. :heart:
Reply
:iconjoufancyhuh:
joufancyhuh Featured By Owner Nov 3, 2009  Hobbyist General Artist
You've been featured here: [link]
Reply
:iconpaperheartsyndrome:
paperheartsyndrome Featured By Owner Nov 7, 2009   Writer
:heart:
Reply
:iconlive-along:
live-along Featured By Owner Sep 4, 2009
can [link] 'tired of just being'
Reply
:iconpaperheartsyndrome:
paperheartsyndrome Featured By Owner Sep 8, 2009   Writer
thank youuuu!!!

:heart:
Reply
:iconsimplysamwise:
simplysamwise Featured By Owner Sep 3, 2009  Hobbyist General Artist
i really like this.
i just... really, really enjoyed this.
so, obviously, great work.
but not like you need me to tell you that. :P
:heart:
Reply
:iconpaperheartsyndrome:
paperheartsyndrome Featured By Owner Sep 8, 2009   Writer
aw, thank you.
and i DO need you to tell me that.
i think what youuu think matters. (:
Reply
:iconsimplysamwise:
simplysamwise Featured By Owner Sep 9, 2009  Hobbyist General Artist
yeeah. what i think still doesn't really matter, but it's very nice that you think that. :3
Reply
:iconwslafleur:
WSLaFleur Featured By Owner Aug 29, 2009  Student Digital Artist
Sometimes I lie awake at night and ask myself 'Where have I gone wrong?' and then a voice says to me 'This is going to take more than one night'."
Reply
:iconpaperheartsyndrome:
paperheartsyndrome Featured By Owner Aug 31, 2009   Writer
isn't that the truth?
i think much the same way.
Reply
:iconacc1dent:
Acc1dent Featured By Owner Aug 29, 2009  Student
very relatable .. very well put too :)
luckily my old self replied and smashed up the stranger and they havent come back XD if that makes any sense whatsoever lol.. sorry if im talking rubbish :)

btw your work really reminds me of "awasteofpaint" 's prose/poetry as well - not just because of the letter form.. but that is a damn good thing! you are both extremely talented :)
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:iconpaperheartsyndrome:
paperheartsyndrome Featured By Owner Aug 31, 2009   Writer
no, it does make sense.
and i'm glad that's the case.

and yay! i love ~Awasteof-paint.
she's amazing. really.
we've actually written together a few times, if you didn't know.
so that really flattering to hear in any case.
thank you :heart:
Reply
:iconacc1dent:
Acc1dent Featured By Owner Sep 6, 2009  Student
haha you wouldnt believe it but i of course saw something you both collaborated with the day after i wrote that >< haha isnt that always the way :)

looking foreward to reading what you've got coming ^^
lol i've gotten through everything on you're gallery now so i'll be waiting
XD love your stuff heaps :) <3
Reply
:iconmichi-iyo:
michi-iyo Featured By Owner Aug 28, 2009
the insomnia-thing was so relateable, and so pretty. :heart:

and all the sudden your heart is beating backwards and you’re so afraid of what will happen when it reaches zero.

since negatives can never be anything positive.
and you’re so sick of being a negative. of being less than nothing.


that was my favourite bit, so well-found. so prettily written.

if it would have been dear boy, i could copy-paste this into an e-mail and send it to someone very dear to me.
wonderful piece.
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:iconpaperheartsyndrome:
paperheartsyndrome Featured By Owner Aug 31, 2009   Writer
you are too sweet!
thank you.

:heart:
Reply
:iconcrazysingergirl:
crazysingergirl Featured By Owner Aug 23, 2009
SO wonderful, with all the word plays i love. like negative being less than nothing <3
although that wasn't the only one i was irrevocably in love with, of course.
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:iconpaperheartsyndrome:
paperheartsyndrome Featured By Owner Aug 24, 2009   Writer
thank you so much! :heart:
Reply
:iconhelzcullen:
HelzCullen Featured By Owner Aug 22, 2009
it’s to the point where you don’t know what to do with yourself. so you do the laundry again even though it’s clean. you think about bleach and how they need to make some for your memories. since if you could you’d white out all the things you’ve been meaning to forget.

:heart:
You'd WHITE out all the things you've been meaning to forget. I thought it was a typo, but then was like, WOW.
Reply
:iconpaperheartsyndrome:
paperheartsyndrome Featured By Owner Aug 24, 2009   Writer
it would've made sense for it to be a typo, knowing me and all.
BUT i'm glad it's not and that you like it. :heart:
Reply
:iconhelzcullen:
HelzCullen Featured By Owner Aug 24, 2009
Hehe :] I'm glad I like it too! ^^
Reply
:icontheanimebutterfly:
TheAnimeButterfly Featured By Owner Aug 20, 2009  Student Writer
Did I really not comment on this the first two times I read it? Really? I'm so sorry... I'm rereading it for the third time... maybe the fourth, and I looked at the comments and saw none from me... just... this is beautiful in such a sad way. It's like your talking to a broken person, from someone who understands what it's like to be broken.

I don't know if that makes any sense whatsoever, but I hope it made some... All I'm saying is that the comparisons and the style and the overall idea here are amazing. Great job. :heart:
Reply
:iconpaperheartsyndrome:
paperheartsyndrome Featured By Owner Aug 24, 2009   Writer
Aw, don't worry about it, love.

it DOES make sense. and i just want you to know, i love your comment. they always make me smile. so thank you for that soooooo much. :heart:
Reply
:icontheanimebutterfly:
TheAnimeButterfly Featured By Owner Aug 24, 2009  Student Writer
Thank you for that. :heart: I'm glad you appreciate them; I really am. :3 And I think you just made my day, calling me love. x3 No one has called me that in a long time. :hug: Thank you.
Reply
:iconpaperheartsyndrome:
paperheartsyndrome Featured By Owner Aug 24, 2009   Writer
aw, i'm glad.
i promise, i'll probably call you it again someday. i reserve it for people i'm used to getting lovely comments from that make my heart smile. which definitely includes you.
Reply
:icontheanimebutterfly:
TheAnimeButterfly Featured By Owner Aug 24, 2009  Student Writer
Aw.. thank you. :heart:
Reply
:icondeadxbirds:
deadxbirds Featured By Owner Aug 19, 2009
this is beautiful.
i swear it feel like you wrote these letters to me.

"since negatives can never be anything positive.
and you’re so sick of being a negative. of being less than nothing."
^that's just perfectly written.

keep being amazing.
Reply
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