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You are a calculated mistake –
something that I've known is wrong from the very start. And I wake up next to you every morning lately, praying that your split lips don't sink me – even though I know it's too late.

You're already taking me under, because, baby –
you're heavy like hurricane. Like a thousand drops of rain pounding down on my shoulder blades. You're seeping into my skin and into my bloodstream. It's only a matter of time until you spread to my heart.

It's too late. I'm already drowning in you.

It's too late, but god, I cannot love you.

You're like the last boy I kissed –
which means I should already be working on forgetting the exact way your fingertips press into my hipbones or how my name sounds curled up in your mouth and the way you like to speak it so careful like a secret – like if you said it too loud, I could get away from you. Like you want to keep me. But mostly I should forget you.

And sometimes, I try, but right now, I'm calculating the exact number of words that would make me stay. That would wash away my carefully controlled emotions and make me forget to forget, because even if I say I don't want you, I do.
I do. I swear.
I do.

Last night you told me we're inevitable –
like the way we're all made of stardust because of a chain reaction that set an entire universe in action.  

You told me that's how big this feeling is and that there are entire oceans living inside of you that you haven't even begun to explore and that all of it – all of you –
could be mine.

If I want it.

Sink or swim –
I'm calling you my relapse, because the last time I felt like this, I almost didn't make it out alive. And right now, I have lungs full of water and I'm sitting on the edge of a coastline that goes on longer than my eyes can see -- so far that it terrifies me --

But we're inevitable.

And you're an entire ocean.

And I'm ready to drown.
.
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:icontaylornicolereed:
TaylorNicoleReed Featured By Owner Jun 23, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
I'm drowning in this poem. This is just unbelievable.
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:iconperidot-magelette:
peridot-magelette Featured By Owner Nov 21, 2012
from the title to the very last line this is mesmerizing.
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:iconpaperheartsyndrome:
paperheartsyndrome Featured By Owner Nov 25, 2012   Writer
you're wonderful. thanks!
Reply
:iconperidot-magelette:
peridot-magelette Featured By Owner Feb 12, 2013
YOU are :glomp:
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:iconthornsandpaper:
thornsandpaper Featured By Owner Feb 6, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
i love your writing :heart: i don't know, your words have this lovely imagery and please. continue writing. :heart:
Reply
:iconpaperheartsyndrome:
paperheartsyndrome Featured By Owner Feb 10, 2012   Writer
thank you!! I couldn't stop if I tried.
Reply
:iconx0xox4:
x0xoX4 Featured By Owner Feb 4, 2012  Hobbyist Photographer
Love it!
I especially love the part where it says, "like the way we're all made of stardust because of a chain reaction that set an entire universe in action."
Reply
:iconpaperheartsyndrome:
paperheartsyndrome Featured By Owner Feb 10, 2012   Writer
thanks so much!!
Reply
:iconx0xox4:
x0xoX4 Featured By Owner Feb 10, 2012  Hobbyist Photographer
You are so welcome :D
Reply
:iconxblindalliancex:
xblindalliancex Featured By Owner Feb 2, 2012
Your work is just... Indescribable. Correction. Beautiful, amazing, incredible, breath taking, gorgeous, any of those words could work.
"And right now, I have lungs full of water and I'm sitting on the edge of a coastline that goes on longer than my eyes can see -- so far that it terrifies me" - and that, in my opinion, is the most incredible line of this piece. [:
Reply
:iconpaperheartsyndrome:
paperheartsyndrome Featured By Owner Feb 2, 2012   Writer
this is the comment of the night, that's how happy it made me.
thank you! <3
Reply
:iconxblindalliancex:
xblindalliancex Featured By Owner Feb 6, 2012
Haha, well I'm glad it made you happy! Because it's definitely true.
Anytime. [: <3
Reply
:iconkaitforest:
KaitForest Featured By Owner Feb 2, 2012   Writer
so.beautiful.
Reply
:iconpaperheartsyndrome:
paperheartsyndrome Featured By Owner Feb 2, 2012   Writer
thank you! <3!
Reply
:iconpentothepage:
PenToThePage Featured By Owner Feb 2, 2012
this is so heartbreaking and beautiful and true.
Reply
:iconpaperheartsyndrome:
paperheartsyndrome Featured By Owner Feb 2, 2012   Writer
thank you <3
Reply
:iconredfaith:
RedFaith Featured By Owner Feb 2, 2012  Hobbyist Photographer
You always know just the right way to string words together, its amazing. Beautiful as always!
Reply
:iconpaperheartsyndrome:
paperheartsyndrome Featured By Owner Feb 2, 2012   Writer
Thank you! I'm not sure if it's the exact right way, but it's my way and I try (:
Reply
:iconredfaith:
RedFaith Featured By Owner Feb 3, 2012  Hobbyist Photographer
You own way is always the best way! :)
Reply
:iconsunshinegypsy:
sunshinegypsy Featured By Owner Feb 1, 2012  Professional Writer
Gorgeous is exactly the right word for this. Also it reminded me of a bit of a book by my all-time favourite author - Written on the Body by Jeanette Winterson.

I dropped into the mass of you and I cannot find the way out. Sometimes I think I’m free, coughed up like Jonah from the whale, but then I turn a corner and recognize myself again. Myself in your skin, myself lodged in your bones, myself floating in the cavities that decorate every surgeon’s wall. That is how I know you. You are what I know.
Reply
:iconpaperheartsyndrome:
paperheartsyndrome Featured By Owner Feb 2, 2012   Writer
Thank you!! This convinces me that I DEFINITELY need to read her stuff. Seriously.
Reply
:iconsunshinegypsy:
sunshinegypsy Featured By Owner Feb 3, 2012  Professional Writer
YESSSS!!! Read Art & Lies and Written on the Body.
Reply
:iconakayuki2106:
AkaYuki2106 Featured By Owner Feb 1, 2012
That...is stunning.

I can't...I wanted to make a slightly better comment but this has taken my breath away.
Reply
:iconpaperheartsyndrome:
paperheartsyndrome Featured By Owner Feb 2, 2012   Writer
Thank you! I think this comment is quite wonderful as is (:
Reply
:iconakayuki2106:
AkaYuki2106 Featured By Owner Feb 4, 2012
You're welcome c:

If you think so ><
Reply
:iconphoenixascension:
phoenixascension Featured By Owner Feb 1, 2012
Almost in tears <3
Reply
:iconpaperheartsyndrome:
paperheartsyndrome Featured By Owner Feb 2, 2012   Writer
Good tears I hope! If there is such a thing (:
Reply
:icongoldgust:
goldgust Featured By Owner Feb 1, 2012  Hobbyist
Very..
Deep.
It's good, really good, but the only word I can think of to describe it is deep.
Reply
:iconpaperheartsyndrome:
paperheartsyndrome Featured By Owner Feb 2, 2012   Writer
Thank you!! (:
Reply
:iconlosingmyfaith:
losingmyfaith Featured By Owner Feb 1, 2012  Student Writer
:heart: So much love for this piece, darling.
Reply
:iconpaperheartsyndrome:
paperheartsyndrome Featured By Owner Feb 2, 2012   Writer
Thanks so much, Emily <3<3
Reply
:iconlosingmyfaith:
losingmyfaith Featured By Owner Feb 3, 2012  Student Writer
You're so welcome. <3
Reply
:iconspneverbefore:
SPneverbefore Featured By Owner Feb 1, 2012  Hobbyist
Everything is perfect
but
this:
"Last night you told me we're inevitable –
like the way we're all made of stardust because of a chain reaction that set an entire universe in action."
killed me.
Reply
:iconpaperheartsyndrome:
paperheartsyndrome Featured By Owner Feb 2, 2012   Writer
I've had that line stored up for like the last six months. It got lost for a while and then I finally found a piece to fit it.

I hope you're still alive though (:
Reply
:iconspneverbefore:
SPneverbefore Featured By Owner Feb 3, 2012  Hobbyist
You just missed my funeral.
Reply
:iconcliostorm:
ClioStorm Featured By Owner Feb 1, 2012  Student Writer
'heavy like a hurricane' << i love that line :heart: this is beautiful =]
Reply
:iconpaperheartsyndrome:
paperheartsyndrome Featured By Owner Feb 2, 2012   Writer
Thank you!! I like to write pieces in my head while I'm in the shower. It's odd but I tend to come up with weird things that I like. This was definitely one of them. Downside is I have to keep reciting the ideas over and over so I can write them out later (:
Reply
:iconcliostorm:
ClioStorm Featured By Owner Feb 4, 2012  Student Writer
I know that sort of problem - can't say it's usually whilst I'm in the shower, but I will get fragments of pieces in weird places. Then I have to remember them until I can get hold of some kind of writing material. I'm desperate to get hold of one of those pens that can write on anything - it'd make life so much easier!
Reply
:iconbringyourownbomb:
bringyourownbomb Featured By Owner Feb 1, 2012  Student Writer
this is lovely, simply lovely. this line especially sticks out to me:
"I'm calling you my relapse, because the last time I felt like this, I almost didn't make it out alive."
it all flows wonderfully. c:
Reply
:iconpaperheartsyndrome:
paperheartsyndrome Featured By Owner Feb 2, 2012   Writer
Thank you! I love when people tell me their favorite lines. It's so interesting seeing what everyone picks out (:
Reply
:iconbringyourownbomb:
bringyourownbomb Featured By Owner Feb 3, 2012  Student Writer
heh, you're very welcome ^^
Reply
:iconloopy-lexy:
loopy-lexy Featured By Owner Jan 31, 2012
I love it :)
Reply
:iconpaperheartsyndrome:
paperheartsyndrome Featured By Owner Feb 2, 2012   Writer
I'm glad to hear that!! thank you!
Reply
:iconkosha21:
kosha21 Featured By Owner Jan 31, 2012
it's lovely :)
Reply
:iconkosha21:
kosha21 Featured By Owner Jan 31, 2012
It's lovely :)
Reply
:iconpaperheartsyndrome:
paperheartsyndrome Featured By Owner Feb 2, 2012   Writer
thanks so much!
Reply
:iconkosha21:
kosha21 Featured By Owner Feb 2, 2012
ur welcome! :) it's a wonderful piece. hope to read more. :)
Reply
:iconpixelizedxshadows:
PIXELIZEDxSHADOWS Featured By Owner Jan 31, 2012  Student Digital Artist
i absolutely adore this <3
it's beautifully written and flows together brilliantly
and it's exactly how i feel lately
Reply
:iconpaperheartsyndrome:
paperheartsyndrome Featured By Owner Feb 2, 2012   Writer
thank you! <3
Reply
:iconpixelizedxshadows:
PIXELIZEDxSHADOWS Featured By Owner Feb 4, 2012  Student Digital Artist
you are most welcome :)
Reply
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