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Literature Text
i wonder what it's like to look into your face and not want to spill every secret i've ever had. i want to be startlingly indifferent. i want to say i don't care and mean it. i want to be reckless in more than that jaywalking every morning on my way to work sort of way. i want to say something that will completely change the course of everything forever. i want to be the sort of thing people need to invent a new word for, because "cataclysmic" won't cover what a disaster i am.
i want to be someone new.
i worry about why the air always tastes several degrees colder than your skin. i know there's a correlation that i haven't figured out yet, but my mind doesn't work fast enough to make the connections anymore. i worry that all the synapses are breaking apart and my brain is shutting down. i worry that i'm dying in slow motion from the inside out so no one can even tell. not that anyone would care, but i worry about the most absurd of things. and then i worry that i don't worry enough about you. about me. about anything.
i worry that this isn't me.
i wish sometimes that the whole world wasn't such a disappointment. it's true that we let it get this way, but still wouldn't it be better if it was something…i don't know. more? i've grown sick of hating everything i see that reminds me of myself since i often wonder what will be left to love after i've torn everything apart. i wish that i was brave enough to say what i mean instead of speaking in these contradictions and inside out sentiments. i wish that people understood that it's the things we do when no one's watching that define us. because i swear, i'm better than i seem. or i want to be. i wish there was somewhere i could belong and that i had the simple sureness about myself that i used to plus all the confidence that the world really isn't so bad. that i could still get everything i could ever want. that everything will be okay.
i still wish and want and worry because all i know right now is it's far too easy to lose all the things you thought you'd get to keep forever.
i want to be someone new.
i worry about why the air always tastes several degrees colder than your skin. i know there's a correlation that i haven't figured out yet, but my mind doesn't work fast enough to make the connections anymore. i worry that all the synapses are breaking apart and my brain is shutting down. i worry that i'm dying in slow motion from the inside out so no one can even tell. not that anyone would care, but i worry about the most absurd of things. and then i worry that i don't worry enough about you. about me. about anything.
i worry that this isn't me.
i wish sometimes that the whole world wasn't such a disappointment. it's true that we let it get this way, but still wouldn't it be better if it was something…i don't know. more? i've grown sick of hating everything i see that reminds me of myself since i often wonder what will be left to love after i've torn everything apart. i wish that i was brave enough to say what i mean instead of speaking in these contradictions and inside out sentiments. i wish that people understood that it's the things we do when no one's watching that define us. because i swear, i'm better than i seem. or i want to be. i wish there was somewhere i could belong and that i had the simple sureness about myself that i used to plus all the confidence that the world really isn't so bad. that i could still get everything i could ever want. that everything will be okay.
i still wish and want and worry because all i know right now is it's far too easy to lose all the things you thought you'd get to keep forever.
Literature
shuteye
got my mama
a golden needle,
but
she hid it
in the hay -
told me
the sweet things in life
are worth looking for
over
and over
again
'til your eyes just
can't see
anymore.
Literature
Remember?
I remember that night you pulled him off of me
I thought
I thought maybe I'd never seen anything
Anything
As beautiful as you
Just the way you moved
All furious and lovely and wild
I remember the way his blood speckled the carpet
And there were lights flashing
Red and blue and blinding
Casting stark shadows against the snow
And you were barefoot
They had to restrain you
When they arrested him
You'd already broken his wrist
But I think you wanted to kill him
I think they thought that, too
I remember kissing your knuckles
Because he'd split your lip
And I couldn't kiss you on the mouth
We took you to the hospital afte
Literature
so kill me, mockingbird
i once said, listen up,
because here's the way
it's going to work:
there will be milky ways
and mountains and clouds
dancing with rain,
the sun won't quite
look the same, and the moon
won't seem so dull.
i once said, come closer,
because there's something
that you need to know:
at night we'll breathe
against each other, move
with each other,
and our delirious melodies
will wake the waves
and shake the stars.
i once said, stay here,
don't go, never ever
leave me:
but here i am now,
eating my words
from a silver platter.
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this isn't what i meant to mean.
this is increasingly ridiculous and not very well thought out.
this is increasingly ridiculous and not very well thought out.
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Comments83
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i can honestly say this is one of the most touching pieces anyone's ever written. it's beautiful and heart wrenching, and i love it. thank you for writing so... perfectly.