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Submitted on
January 26, 2012
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every time it rains,
i think of you.

because that's all there is--
the wind,
the water
and a quick breath of air
before we all go under.

every time it rains,
i swear i'm drowning.
they keep getting shorter.
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:icontheafterwhys:
TheAfterWhys Featured By Owner Mar 3, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Really love this.
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:iconpaperheartsyndrome:
paperheartsyndrome Featured By Owner Mar 3, 2012   Writer
I'm glad. Thank you <3 <3
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:iconlifeuncommon:
lifeuncommon Featured By Owner Feb 14, 2012
they keep getting shorter.

Oh, they do. My advice is not to fight it, to embrace it. Soon enough the poems get so short you don't even have to write them at all. :D
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:iconpaperheartsyndrome:
paperheartsyndrome Featured By Owner Feb 19, 2012   Writer
excellent point.
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:iconlosingmyfaith:
losingmyfaith Featured By Owner Jan 27, 2012  Student Writer
Have you heard the song "Throw me a rope" by K.T. Tunstall? This piece makes me think of that song [which is so fantastic].

Short but powerful. :heart:
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:iconpaperheartsyndrome:
paperheartsyndrome Featured By Owner Jan 30, 2012   Writer
i've never heard it, but i'm currently listening to it if it counts for anything. (:

thank you <3
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:iconlosingmyfaith:
losingmyfaith Featured By Owner Jan 31, 2012  Student Writer
How do you like it?

Most welcome! (:
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:iconcsd0916:
csd0916 Featured By Owner Jan 27, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I think the last two lines are too obvious...I think it'd be better if it didn't have those and just ended with "before we all go under". But otherwise I like this a lot, I really do
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:iconpaperheartsyndrome:
paperheartsyndrome Featured By Owner Jan 30, 2012   Writer
Hmm, I'll take it into consideration. Thank you for honesty (that seems to be a rare trait quite often).
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:iconelenel:
Elenel Featured By Owner Jan 26, 2012  Hobbyist
There's a lovely rhythm that flows in this, especially in the second verse. A personal preference though, is to elongate the pause in verses 1 and 2, like so:

every time it rains,
i think
of you.

and

every time it rains,
i swear
i'm drowning.

Regardless, it is still a beautiful piece. Perfect length with all the right elements working together. Great job!
Reply
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